More people than ever before are watching pornography.
With so many of us having easy access to the internet and porn sites being just a click away on our phones, tablets, laptops or computers, it has never been easier to find and watch this content.
One consequence of the widespread accessibility of porn is that cases of porn addiction are now more common than ever before. The dictionary definition of the term ‘addicted’ means to be physically and mentally dependent on a particular substance, in this instance, pornography. The organisation Relate explains that as with any other addiction, people who become addicted to porn often start out as casual users, and over time watch it more frequently and more compulsively. Porn addiction can have a damaging effect on many areas of someone’s life, including:
- Becoming socially isolated due to prioritising accessing porn over seeing friends and family
- Interfering with or replacing the desire for intimacy or sex in the ‘real world’
- Engaging in risky behaviour including watching porn at work or in public4
Porn use can also have a significant impact on relationships, even if the issue isn’t deemed to be an addiction.
1. https://www.relate.org.uk/relationship-help/help-sex/sex-common-problems/porn-addiction
Support
If you feel that porn is a problem for you or someone you love, here are some things that might help.
1. Acknowledge there's a problem
Speak to someone you trust – this could be a spouse, family member, friend or a professional – and commit to doing what it takes to overcome the issue.
2. Recognise your triggers
Triggers can be the key to overcoming an issue. If we understand what prompts us to behave in a certain way then we can take steps to change those patterns. Here are some things that may help you to recognise and then distract from triggers:
- Keep a two-week diary. This will help to show patterns i.e. if there is a certain time of day when you tend to use porn, such as late at night or first thing in the morning. Or does a certain activity or routine trigger you?
- Practice the ten-second rule. Don’t look at someone and let your mind wander for more than ten seconds. This will help to break any thoughts that may be triggering.
- The elastic band technique. Often used in counselling, this technique encourages you to flick an elastic band on your wrist each time you feel triggered, with the aim to distract from the trigger itself.
- Say goodbye to your smartphone. Porn is easily and readily available on our smartphones. If this is hard for you to resist, why not consider buying a basic phone whose only functions are calls and texts? With no internet access, porn cannot be used.
3. Accountability
Being accountable means we are answerable to someone (or something) for our actions. By letting someone else in, we can be held to account and supported in our journey. Here are some ideas in the area of accountability:
- Get an accountability buddy. This is a two-way street. You have someone you can turn to for support and in turn, they have your permission to hold you to account, and have unrestricted access to that area of your life. This could involve asking questions at any time about your porn use, having access to your internet browser history or holding the codes for the parental controls on your TV or smartphone. You could regularly meet up or speak on the phone. Accountability looks different for each person and can be very effective – not only when it comes to porn issues, but in many areas of our lives.
- Place parental controls on your phones, computers and TVs. This will restrict what is able to be shown.
- Download accountability software on to your smartphone. This will not prevent you from accessing online porn, however your browsing history is reported to a trusted friend, even your app history and uninstall attempts.
- Work through a twelve-step programme. This could be by attending an anonymous group in person, accessing one online or working through a programme by yourself.
- Find a therapist or counsellor. Counselling can take place face-to-face, over the phone or online and there are a whole host of different options and approaches.
Further support can be found through the organisations listed below.
Fight the New Drug
A non-religious US-based organisation, whose aim is to raise awareness and educate people on the damaging effects of porn. Their resource includes a documentary, over 1,000 articles, short films, podcast episodes and a conversation guide.
XXX Church
XXX Church grew out of a Christian-based organisation, however their content is not explicitly faith-based and is suitable for all those with or without faith. They provide a test that can be used to identify addiction, plus recovery programmes, online small groups and workshops and accountability software.
Naked Truth
A Christian-based organisation providing online support groups, books, courses and resources for those wanting to overcome porn use and their partners.
Covenant Eyes
A Christian organisation offering a range of articles, forums and tutorials, as well as a blog, eBook and a screen accountability service.
Finding a counsellor
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