Emma Arnold, one of our new Befrienders, shares her story of losing her husband, Ben, who was also her carer due to her having multiple sclerosis, and how she moved forward to a place where she was ready to help others.
I lost my darling husband, Ben, on 30 September 2017. My life changed and was thrown upside down.
I have two beautiful children, who were 14 and 17 years old when their dad died.
Ben was diagnosed with cancer in his chest wall. He had 1.9 kilograms of the tumour removed surgically and the rest by chemotherapy. His cancer was very aggressive; as a result he was put on further high dose chemotherapy and had a stem cell transplant. In response to this chemotherapy Ben developed a complication in his blood. He became extremely unwell and subsequently contracted pneumonia. By September 2017 his body stopped responding to any treatment.
It was a big shock for the whole family when Ben passed away. I have had multiple sclerosis since 1992; Ben was my carer, best friend and confidant. We grew our lives together and got to the point where we just seemed to know what each other was thinking. There is not a day that goes by when I don’t miss him desperately and will do for the rest of my life. There will always be a part of my heart that has a Ben shaped hole in it.
No one becomes a widow at 50, with two dependent grieving children – do they?
I was desperate to find others who understood my suffering, as many of my family and friends hadn’t experienced what I just had. I phoned Care for the Family in my desperation. To answered prayer, I found others like me and a lovely lady befriended me. During this time, I decided to volunteer so I could help others going through similar situations – those who have found themselves on a journey none of us want to be on.
Grief can be all consuming, especially in the early days. There are many days when you wake up and it feels like a total nightmare that you wish would end. Unfortunately it is a reality that is still there. There is no easy way around it, you have to go through the pain for there to be any healing; so you can function again for yourself and for your children.
To find others who are also travelling this awful journey is a blessing. I am thankful for the solidarity I have found at Care for the Family. Meeting others who have been on a similar journey to you gives you a sense of hope that there still can be a life that is worth living, even as a widow/widower. By listening, caring, and sharing I hope to make this sad life experience of grief a more tolerable one.
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At Care for the Family we support couples, parents and those who have been bereaved. If you would be able to make a one off donation to support our work, we would be very grateful. Thank you.
