Do you know the difference between a tantrum and a meltdown?

Here’s the short answer – autistic meltdowns are a reaction to being overwhelmed. A person with autism has no control over their meltdowns, and will not benefit from parenting strategies applied to tantrums.  

Tantrums are an angry or frustrated outburst and may be managed by distraction techniques, hugs, incentives and reminders to ‘behave’.  As a child learns to do things for themselves and their ability to communicate improves, tantrums decrease.

If you want the long answer, read on!  

Tantrums in young children can be more frequent when they are tired, hungry or not feeling well, but they are always goal oriented. They can be due to frustration at not getting what they want, not being able to do what they want, or even as a result of not being able to communicate what they want.

An autistic meltdown on the other hand is caused by overwhelm. When someone with autism reaches the point of sensory, emotional and information overload, or a situation feels unpredictable, it can trigger a variety of external behaviours that are similar to a tantrum (such as crying, yelling, or lashing out), or it can trigger a complete shutdown and withdrawal.

Tantrums need an audience. A tantrum will often stop when the parent ignores the behaviour, when the child is removed from a public space, or when the child gets their need met.

An autistic meltdown occurs with or without an audience, and can occur even when the person is alone. It is a response to an external stimulus overload which leads to an emotional explosion or implosion.

A child in meltdown is experiencing huge anxiety and overwhelming distress. Their fight-or-flight mechanism has kicked in – they are either literally fighting or attempting to run away because they feel their very survival is at risk. A child who is in the middle of a meltdown will have limited access to the part of their brain that makes judgements, controls impulses, listens to reason, or responds to requests.

In this heightened emotional state an autistic child is extremely frightened, confused and unable to process thoughts or ideas clearly. If they hear a parent shouting at them or they sense panic, tension or judgement in someone else’s voice, their sense of being in danger may increase and this can escalate the meltdown. At this stage, the child has lost self-control completely and cannot respond rationally to other people. Any verbal instructions, requests or displays of emotion from others will only confuse them further and may make things worse.

In the middle of a meltdown, it is essential for the adult to stay as calm, quiet and non-threatening as possible. Now is not the time to get cross, tell them off or, if possible, to show emotion. A child in a meltdown is already completely out of control and very frightened. If the parent can convey to them a sense of calm and rock-solid security, they will feel reassured and less frightened. However, if the parent shows fear in their voice, body language and actions then this may confirm to them that the world really is a very unsettled and unsafe place, and it can cause the meltdown to worsen and to last longer. In particular a calm voice can really help to de-escalate the situation.

Autistic meltdowns are a reaction to being overwhelmed. A person with autism has no control over their meltdowns. Planning in advance can help to mitigate against triggers. Provide information about what to expect in advance. Allow children to wear ear defenders in noisy rooms, dim bright lights, offer support in crowded places, and be aware of any strong smells or different textures. Most important of all, remember you are encountering a person in extreme distress who deserves compassion, understanding and patience.