The initial impact of an untimely loss i.e. the shock, numbness and sadness, literally affects one’s ability to think clearly.
When the shock and numbness wear off after the death of a partner and reality hits home the future as you knew it has been lost.
Hopes and dreams have often been shattered.
Hope that life can be good again but not in a way planned can be difficult to see at this time of grieving and mourning.
Sources of Hope
Here are just some sources for you to consider:
- Friends and family that are there for you showing kindness and love
- Your faith
- Support from those who are also widowed young from organisations such as WAY and ourselves
- A counsellor
- Your GP
- Your children if you have them
- Holidays with those widowed young that create new memories in a supportive environment
- Helpful books
- Blogs from widows and widowers
- Journalling
- A hope list, box or jar
- A successes list, box or jar
- A gratitude list, box or jar
- A new relationship
"If you lose hope, somehow you lose the vitality that keeps life moving, you lose that courage to be, that quality that helps you go on in spite of it all. And so today I still have a dream." (Selma, Alabama, Feb. 12, 1965).
It takes time for you to process your loss and what this means to you. Even as you are doing that, your hope can often start to return. Look for any signs of hope in your life.
Nobody wants to live without hope – hope for a better life, a better tomorrow, a better eternity. Hope brings meaning to everything that happens in our lives.
Signs of Hope
Look for signs of hope in your life. Here are some examples:
- You begin to dream again, new dreams
- There are days when you experience genuine joy or pleasure
- Laughter takes over from crying
- Development of new skills
- Your children’s achievements (for those that have children)
- Your new successes and achievements
- Yearning for the past diminishes
- Your journaling is growing and shows that you are moving forward
- Your success, hope, gratitude lists, boxes or jars are growing
- You start to help others with their grief
- Enjoying holidays again
- Social events don’t faze you any more
Your new future will emerge out of the fog of your grief. Don’t resist any signs that hope may be returning for you. Embrace them. When you have a new sense of direction and you are feeling supported on your new and different (albeit unwanted) journey you will sense your hope increasing.
When you have done something for the first time that you have never done before, congratulate yourself. Dwell on the positive.
Although you would rather not have gone through this experience, death unfortunately is often one of life’s great teachers. The lessons you have learned will stand you in good stead for things you will be called on to deal with in the future.
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At Care for the Family we support couples, parents and those who have been bereaved. If you would be able to make a one off donation to support our work, we would be very grateful. Thank you.
